Starter Girlz Podcast

Stop Living a Lie! How to Rewrite Your Story & Take Control

• Jennifer Loehding • Season 7 • Episode 74

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Stop Living a Lie! How to Rewrite Your Story & Take Control

Are you tired of feeling stuck, like life is just happening to you? Do you want to change but feel trapped by fear and self-doubt? It’s time to break free and take control!

In this powerful episode of Starter Girlz, host Jennifer Loehding sits down with Steve Gallegos to reveal how to stop living a life that isn’t truly yours. Discover proven strategies to escape self-doubt, build confidence, and rewrite your story. If you're ready to create a life that excites you, this episode is for you!

What You’ll Learn:

  • How to take control of your life and rewrite your story
  • The power of choice: Change your mindset, change your life
  • Overcoming perfectionism and making real progress
  • How to break free from a fake life and start fresh

If you've been searching for answers on:

  • How to build confidence and create real change
  • How to stop overthinking and control your mind
  • How to overcome limiting beliefs and break free from societal expectations

This episode is your roadmap to transformation!

👉 Hit play now and start rewriting your story!

Jennifer Loehding (00:00)
Welcome to the Starter Girlz podcast, your ultimate source of inspiration and empowerment. We're here to help women succeed in every area of their lives, career, money, relationships, and health and well-being while celebrating the remarkable journeys of individuals from all walks of life who've achieved amazing things. Whether you're looking to supercharge your career, build financial independence, nurture meaningful relationships, or enhance your overall well-being.

the Starter Girlz podcast is here to guide you. Join us as we explore the journeys of those who dare to dream big and achieve greatness. I'm your host, Jennifer Loehding and welcome to this episode.

Welcome to another episode of the Starter Girlz podcast. I'm your host Jennifer Loehding wherever you are tuning in today, we are thrilled to have you. I'm so excited about my guest today. It's gonna be so much fun, but I want to ask you guys, my audience, a question. Have you ever felt like you're stuck playing a role in someone else's story? Like the life you're living isn't quite the one you were meant to write.

Well, I think today's conversation might just be the spark you need to take back the pen and start crafting a new narrative because my guest today knows all about breaking free from limitations and stepping into possibility. And I'm sure he's got some powerful insights to share. So you are guys are going to want to stay tuned for this story. I'm so excited about it. But before we welcome him on, I do need to do a quick shout out to our sponsor.

This episode is brought to you by Walt Mills Productions. Need to add excitement to your YouTube videos or some expert hands for editing? Look no further. Walt Mills is the solution you've been searching for. Walt is not only your go-to guy for spicing up content, he's the force behind a thriving film production company with numerous titles in the pipeline. Always on the lookout for raw talent, Walt is eager to collaborate on film and internet productions. With a background deeply rooted in entertainment and promotion,

Walt Mills leverages years of skills to give you the spotlight you deserve. Want to learn more about Walt and his work? Head on over to waltmillsproductions.net and let your content shine. All right, and with that, I have to make one more mention before we can bring the guest on. Be sure you head on over to startergirlz.com Couple reasons. One, if you've missed any episodes, it's a great place to catch up. You can also sign up for our community news and then you'll never miss an episode.

But also if you are a business owner, a creator, whatever you want to call yourself, we have an amazing quiz on there that you can take to help you determine what your number one success block is that may be hindering your success. And I always tell the funny story about this crafting a program because I kind of figured out what mine was right in the midst of that. So it's a fun quiz. You can take it. It's free. It's two minutes and it will give you some insight onto

what may be stopping you in your steps. And so again, that is startergirls.com. Make sure you do Z, not an S. All right, I'm excited to welcome my guest on today. So my guest today is no stranger to reinvention, Steve Gallegos, often called America's ambassador on success, has a background that's anything but ordinary. All right, you guys get ready for this. He's worn a lot of hats.

U.S. Marine Sergeant, he's been a law enforcement officer, singer-songwriter, and recording artist, board certified civil trial lawyer, published photographer, award-winning author, and international speaker. It's the kind of journey that makes you wonder, how does one person do it all? I'm excited. But what's even more impressive is Steve's mission. He's not here to talk about collecting titles, he's here to show people how to break free

from the rules they've been stuck playing and take ownership of their own stories. So I have a feeling this episode is gonna be all about powerful insights, unforgettable stories and practical advice. So Steve, welcome to the show. I'm so excited.

Steve Gallegos (04:12)
Thank you so much Jennifer. is great to be here. How are you today?

Jennifer Loehding (04:16)
I am doing good. is Monday. I'm. But Sun is out today. I'm so excited. We had rainy weather all weekend, so today we have got sun supposed to be in the 70s. I am excited.

Steve Gallegos (04:18)
What am doing?

Wonderful wonderful what part of the world are you in? I'm

Jennifer Loehding (04:30)
In North North Dallas so South. Yeah, where are you calling in today Steve? OK, and how's the weather in Denver today?

Steve Gallegos (04:32)
Not that, okay, perfect.

Denver.

beautiful we're gonna hit 72 today so okay like you're you're a little

Jennifer Loehding (04:42)
We're gonna be parallel living today a little bit. Exactly. I know I'm excited. I up this morning. It was like 40 degrees. And so I'm like, is it gonna be cold? we're gonna have nice weather today. I'm so excited. Spring weather.

Steve Gallegos (04:52)
Yeah, we lived in Dallas for a number of years before we moved to Costa Rica and then here to Denver. you know, friends in Dallas always told us, hey, if you don't like the weather, just wait five minutes, it'll change.

Jennifer Loehding (05:04)
Yes, you know, right. And it's weird too, because I feel like right now it's like this morning I went to the gym and I had on shorts because I'm going to the gym, but I got my jacket on because I'm freezing. And by the end of the day, you know, we're going to be like in a whole different type of attire. you're right. Different climate. know, morning to night you could be in, you know, sweatpants and then shorts by the end of the day. know, who knows, Exactly. Lovely weather. I am so excited to have you here today.

And you know, was so fun is when I went, I always tell people my favorite part of this, and I love the conversation, but I love the introductions because that is like my gift is introductions. And I have so much fun when I read them and I'm reading yours and I'm like, my goodness, you've done this and you've done this and you've done this. And it's so, I love it. love it. And I think a lot of, you have a really impressive career, but I think a lot of entrepreneurs are like that. They have done like these different things, right? And they've kind of evolved into each of these roles.

And I think that's what makes it such a unique but also exciting journey, right? Like you're not just locked into this one thing forever. You can keep kind of reinventing yourself and take the lessons from it and kind of move it into the next place. So this is what I really want to talk about, like your journey, what you've learned, all those things. So start us off, tell us a little bit about what you're doing now so our audience knows where Steve is at this very moment.

Steve Gallegos (06:23)
Thank you for that Jennifer and before I begin that thank you for producing this show because I know it's not easy I've produced podcasts in the past before and I said this isn't working for me after a hundred episodes You know, I'm not rich and famous yet but this is back in 2015 when you know, they were just starting to take grab and it's just all time-consuming and if you've got a career or a job or other responsibilities, you know, it's it's very tough and so my Congratulations to you for producing this you've got a

a great show and awesome reputation. bring on some beautiful guests and so your audience should love you just for that if nothing else. Thank you. To ask where I am today, I'm so excited. I just finished earlier this week delivering a book, my latest book to my publisher, 41,000 words. It took me a year to write and it's called Unshackled for Women Who Are Ready to Yell Cut and Write and Direct.

their own stories. And you kind of brought it into light during your introduction. You were telling your audience, know, whoever you want to be, whoever you're choosing to be today. And that's really what life is all about is that we get to choose. We have the choice. Like you said, you got up this morning and you had a weekend full of gray and rainy clouds and it was kind of somber. And today you wake up to sunshine. But you can choose whether or not you're going to get up.

rainy gloomy face and be pouty and all sad or you're going to wake up like the sun and just bring light and joy and we get to choose that and a lot of times as you've already pointed out you know people we just kind of react to life we're not acting to life we're reacting to it in other words we're letting whatever comes upon us dictate who we become in that moment or what we choose to do with our careers or

where we choose to go on vacation. In fact, most people spend more time planning their vacations than they do their lives. And it's really interesting. But at the root of it all, for my book, is I'm borrowing because I was an entertainment lawyer for many decades. And so I worked with producers and writers and directors in the television, film and music industry primarily. whenever...

the scene whenever the project was not going to their liking and to their vision, what would the director do? He or she would stop and yell, cut! And all the action freezes. She calls the writer over, she calls the caterer over, whoever, the costumer, the actors and say, okay, this needs to be changed, this needs to be fixed. You, I need more this, I need more that, less this, more, whatever.

And so I realized after a while that we can do this also with our lives. And so that's what I do. I borrow from the entertainment industry that I served so long in. And I teach, in this case, this book is mainly for professional women, how to recognize that they are simply being the actor in someone else's story, a story that someone else wrote, right? Jennifer, you're not smart enough, you're not pretty enough, so you're going to need to, you know,

go work in a a book room somewhere but Jennifer wants to be on stage she wants to be in front of the audience and and and the world is telling her no you're not this you're not that you're too that you're too tall you're too skinny you're too white you're not black enough whatever the case may be and so growing up if we believe these things about ourselves which most of us do because that's where we get the information from our parents right shut up you're stupid you know you'll never amount to anything which is how I grew up right

And so I teach people that we can stop and yell cut anytime at any moment of the day and then we sit down as the writer and say, okay, this is how I want this scene to play out. This part of my life, this chapter of my life, I become the producer. The producer is the one that gathers all the resources. Okay, what do I need? I need a new house. I need a new neighborhood. I need a new car. I need new clothes. need whatever it is you need, more education, et cetera.

And once you have all the resources in place or you're getting them in place, then you become the director. And the director sits back and supervises and says, yes, okay, this is going according to script. This is not according to script. And what I'm talking about there is the people in our lives when, you know, we're enablers, right? So if we're in an abusive relationship and we're allowing the other person to disrespect us and abuse us and to demean us and to put us down and to tell us we're stupid and we're not worthy,

and we're allowing that, that's on us at this point. And this is where you becoming aware that you're more than the actor and that you actually can become the writer, producer, director, now you're in charge. And when you're in charge, you get to make all the decisions, you get to say when it's play time, when it's work time, when it's pizza time, when it's ice cream time, and all that fun stuff.

Jennifer Loehding (11:31)
So good. I like that you're using it from the acting perspective. It's interesting because I was listening to you because this is how my brain works. Like I feel like when we're doing podcasts, we have to be like detectives, right? Like you got to be listening and thinking at the same time. So as you're talking, I'm listening to all these things like ping, ping, ping, ping, ping. It's going through my brain. And so I had worked with this mentor for a while. We were talking about.

You kind of, forgot what it when we were doing shadow work, but we were talking about how we control our lives. And I always like to use, you're doing the acting. I started to use like a game controller, like, right? Like we're the player in it. And because I grew up with Atari and those stupid games, know, Mario Brothers. So I always think of, it's funny, I can still sing the tune to the Mario Brothers song.

Steve Gallegos (12:16)
Let's

hear it, let's hear it, let's hear it.

Jennifer Loehding (12:17)
I'm not

doing it on here. It's awful. It's awful. I do it all the time and I'll be like to my husband. I'm like, do you remember that song? I'm doing it again. Anyways, I use a game and I say the same exact thing, how we're sort of like a piece in a game and we have the controller, right? And then we have the ability to decide which direction we wanna go, which reaction we wanna do, how we wanna play that out, right? And I love it because it's like what you're saying. It's almost like now.

you're moving yourself out and now you look at it from a different lens, right? Like you're looking at it from like you're outside here looking in on yourself now and you can control, right? And so I like it, but I think also for me, when I think of it like that, it gives me permission to pause, like to pause, right? Because sometimes, you know, it's like I was trying to explain to somebody the other day, like when you're working on like, like, like emotional EQ, whatever you want to call all this, right? Like,

If we grew up being reactive, we were in that environment, which I did. told somebody one day that how when we were kids, like, you know, we would just all talk over each other. Everybody would just go, go, go, go, go, you know? And, and so you had to get louder and more forceful because you weren't going to be heard if you didn't, right? And so when you're, as you're trying to, you know, mature and get out of that, and I had to work really hard.

Steve Gallegos (13:30)
on.

Jennifer Loehding (13:32)
Right? Like I get so proud of myself when I pause because it's a work of art. Like I really got to work at it. But the thing is like it's a muscle like right the more you do it the better you get. And so when I think of it in terms of what you're saying the control it's so broad because it's really about controlling your life. But it's also controlling your reactions everything. And so for me it just gives me the moment to say you know what pause you know just take a minute before you do something think.

You know, and so, so I love what you're saying because I think it's so applicable in every, when we're talking about, you know, self-worth and confidence and all of these different things, but also how we respond to the world and, and react and how we go about and changing our decisions, our, we live our life.

Steve Gallegos (14:15)
Right, and I love that analogy. Number one for the game controller because it's like you said, it's almost identical borrowing from what I do with the television industry. But the signs, those tools, those messages about how we can be with our lives are all around us. Like, you you didn't invent this idea of the game controller, but once you started immersing yourself in it, you saw the parallels between

how that is very much like the lives that we lead, right? It's the characters, etc. And then your idea of pausing, that's age-old wisdom, right? It's becoming aware. Some people call it take a breath, right? You breathe and just relax and get into the moment. And the beauty is that life changes are made during those pauses, right? It's not during the busy go, go, go, because we're out of our minds. You're not really thinking. You're just...

Reacting and when I say reacting, there's a lawyers love words, right? And so when we say reacting, what does that mean? You are reacting what you learned from your parents. Before we were seven years old, all you knew about relationships, for example, is what you saw and heard from your parents that experience. So if they were loving and always supportive, encouraging with each other, chances are you will experience that too. That's how you will be.

when you shape into an adult. However, if all you saw was conflict and negative situations and emotions and yelling and screaming and shouting and physical abuse only to then say at the end of the day, I'm sorry, I love you. You grow up like I did thinking that you get to beat the crap out of someone and that means that you love them, right? And it's not until you pause, like you said to become, wait, is this real? And then,

ask the next question, can I change this? And most people say, I don't have the power to, they've got to change and I say, no, you're the one that has to change.

Jennifer Loehding (16:20)
love that you said that and thank you because I think when we when we do that, we remove ourselves from victim mentality to now control mentality, right? Like you can't change other people. The only person that you can change is yourself. And, you know, I was telling someone the other day, like I

when I admire people that are like that because that's the way I roll. Like I don't, I was on somebody's show the other day and we were talking about my health journey because all of the work, people that have been following me for a long time know this show, know why I do the show and it's no surprise. I mean, I've had a lot of crazy trauma things. And the interesting thing, I was telling someone on a show the other day, cause I was going through.

this medical condition that started in 2012. And then I got that one under control. And then in 22, I had another rare thing that kind of came up and I was telling her, said, she goes, well, back at it. She said, I remember watching you go through that and then to sit down with you in January and see everything come full circle. Right. She's, and I don't know what she said after that, but I told her, said, you know, it's interesting because I don't put a lot of stuff out there, but I did.

I did document a lot of that. did chronicle a lot of that. And at the time it wasn't because I wanted anybody to ever feel sorry for me. It was really about me giving myself grace, like allowing myself to say, Jennifer, it's okay. You can't show up 110 % today, right? Because I never liked to play the victim role. And so one of the things I was telling, I don't know I was telling her or another friend after I said, there is never a time in my life where I want to be a victim.

Like if something is not working, my immediate reaction is, what do I need to change? What needs to change in this situation? What do I need to do to show up differently? Or what do I need to do to make this different? That may mean walking away. It may mean evolving something or whatever. But it always puts me in a position of, I don't wanna be a victim. So how am I gonna fix this problem? And that means something's gonna have to change. I don't know what that looks like, but something has to change and it's probably not gonna be.

this person is probably going to be something I have to take in and do or fix or you know what I mean? And so I love that you said that because I think it gives us power when we move in that place, right? It gives us so much power because now we can say, I'm in charge. can do something with this.

Steve Gallegos (18:36)
Absolutely. As you point out, we can't control what comes upon us. In many cases, we can, right? Like if you asked doctors or medical experts or nutrition experts, I'm sure that there would be a lot of them that say, oh, know, Jennifer, this comes from having consumed too much sugar. You've got too much sugar and that's a beautiful thing, right? So that's a change that you made, right?

Jennifer Loehding (18:55)
sugar anymore by the way.

Steve Gallegos (19:01)
Whereas a lot of people in prior generations, like for example my parents generation, they grew up believing that doctors were the end-all be-all of everything. My mom was starting to go, when she was getting older, go through some things and my wife and I would bring over fresh organic vegetables to the house to make fresh salads and, you know, here mom have this apple, have some apple juice, right?

things that God created, nature, unadulterated. And she would say, I have to ask my doctor first. I'm, what? Really? And she's consuming all of these handful of pills that are causing reactions here and there and everywhere. And really, it's a spinach salad. Yeah, because the iron in the spinach might interfere with blah, blah, blah. And it's like, my goodness. So there's a situation, entire generations of people that would not take charge of their own lives.

Now you see it, right? You see people going less and less to doctors. You see these TikTok influencers all over the place finding these age-old recipes, right, of turmeric and ginger and pepper.

Jennifer Loehding (20:10)
I be in that line.

Steve Gallegos (20:12)
And that's

a beautiful thing, right? And the idea, because we're getting exposed, right? We live in a beautiful world where we have access to such information, right? Where we didn't have it 10, 20 years ago before the internet. We have to rely on the doctor or what our neighbors said. And they'd come over with a cup of sugar and say, here, drink this. It'll be actually making the situation worse.

But then the fact that we have all this information makes it even more dangerous because now it becomes like, who do I listen to? Right? Because one person says, drink milk, eat less red meat. The very next article says red meat is all of, is it, that's what you're missing in your diet and milk is good for you. And yeah, the hormones they give to the cows, of course, are going to be good for you too. And I'm like, my goodness. So it's, yeah, it is.

Jennifer Loehding (21:05)
Right? All

those things you're talking about eggs. I those every day. I eat a lot of meat, I don't eat. I don't eat a lot of Kirby stuff. So you know, it's funny though you're talking about all this because my GI doctor, not even how we got all this. We're to get back to the right through what we want to talk about. My GI doctor funny enough when I was dealing with this last condition, he's not much. I think he's probably about my age, so we're Gen Xers. OK, so I go to him for this condition. He says.

When I'm asking him about these, he goes, I think this is what you have. Is that what you're thinking? Did you look this up? And I said, yeah, I already looked it up on Google.

Steve Gallegos (21:39)
So he's looking at a building.

Jennifer Loehding (21:40)
conversation. No kidding. When I took my cat in one of my kittens into the vet, the vet puts the name of it. I had already looked this up but I played stupid. He put the disease up on the paper and told me to go look it up on the internet. So you see what I'm saying? It's hilarious how the information is out there but I'm with you on all of that. I think the bottom line here is that the taking control, right? It's like and you know

Steve Gallegos (21:55)
my goodness.

Jennifer Loehding (22:07)
I always feel like you know you better than anybody, right? And I think your book is giving people, I haven't read it, but it sounds like it's giving women permission to take ownership, whatever capacity that is, whether that's your career, your relationships, your health, whatever piece that is to take control and rewrite your story. And that's what I feel like this whole Starter Girlz is really about for me. think that this is exactly what this is, is that I try to show people that they can rewrite their story.

Any day they decide you guys are just the voice. You're just the messengers of saying, you know, cause they can get tired. They get tired of hearing me. We gotta have other people, you know, spread that message.

Steve Gallegos (22:43)
Exactly and I love your name starter girls. The idea is that you can start you can start right now It doesn't matter what happened yesterday because yesterday you can't go back to it You can't travel back to yesterday and fix or change anything the only moment that you have control over is this moment right now and They say from here forward. What am I gonna do? What new decisions are gonna make mom? I'm going to make but then like Jennifer is saying you need to first assess Where you are what you want to change and Jennifer you recognize this

This is where most people fail in the process. Yeah, I'm gonna take charge, I'm gonna make new decisions, I'm gonna go work out and I'm gonna go to the gym and it's January 1 and blah, I'm gonna be a new person. But come two, three weeks into the year, we're back to the same old person. Why? Why is that? It's because we never took the time, the pause, and in this case it should be a long pause, take a weekend and go to the mountains, go to the lake, go to the river, go to the beach, wherever you wanna go.

the solarium and get clear on what this looks like for you. What does it mean for you to experience health and wellness? What does that mean beyond just saying the words I want to be healthy, I want to be fit, I want to be well and strong and vibrant. What does that mean? That means I feel like this. I wake up in the morning energized and I slip out of bed and I smile at everyone and whatever it is.

What does that look like for you in your house, right, in your experience? How do you show up when you go to work that particular day? And this might sound crazy like you're trying to dictate every moment in your life and it's not what it's about because the moments are just gonna pass because every other person in your life that you encounter, they get to write their own story too. And so you're only responsible for writing your story, right? How am I gonna react when John at the office comes in and brushes up against me

Again, for the umpteenth time where I've told him, hey, back off, keep your distance, this is professional, I don't like you, I don't want you that way, you those kinds of things. But he keeps doing it. And we fear that we're not going to speak up and call him out because we might lose our jobs, right? And that happens a lot of times, right? The person being perpetrated on is the one that will lose their job because John is usually the boss or the boss's son or, you know, brings in the most money or whatever the case may be.

And so we get to decide that. And if we choose to keep going to that job and putting ourselves in a position where John can abuse us or do whatever to us, that's kind of on us. And people say, well, Steve, I can't just quit my job. yeah, you can. There's other jobs out there requiring the skills that you have. And it might be a little tough, you know, just maybe. Yeah. Don't quit your job yet.

start looking for the new one. Put yourself in a position to make that change so when you're ready to make the change, it's like I have a good friend who was in an abusive relationship for over 30 years and she developed the story goes what they call a bug out bag. Right. She had a bag of clothes and toiletries and an extra cell phone and things ready to go in a bag so that the moment she knew that she was safe to make that decision, she had made the decision.

She just didn't know when actually she was going to act on it. But then when she was ready, the moment came, the perpetrator had turned his back long enough for her to go into the closet, grab her bag, go down the street, get into a friend's car and drive off and into safety, right? In other words, she prepared for the situation in advance. So we shouldn't wait for the moment till we can't take it anymore. And a lot of us do, I've done that.

We just can't take it anymore and now we just explode. It all comes out. I remember quitting a job as a lawyer, as a young lawyer because one of the partners in the firm was being disrespectful to my wife at the time. I was married before and he was saying things like, I had her kind of joking and I heard him. And so it caused conflict between us. And so I just

But I was afraid to say anything or do anything because beyond just being passively aggressive and not doing the work or doing it incorrectly and those kinds of things. But then the day came, I couldn't take it anymore. I just blew up. walked into his office and he had this beautiful wooden desk with case files all over and papers and beautiful sculptures. I cleaned that desk, Jennifer. I'm not proud of it now, but I cleaned that desk. Everything just went all over the floor.

and he jumps up on his desk and he says, you want to hit me, you want to hit me, go ahead right there. And I wanted to, if the staff hadn't held me back. But that was a situation that I allowed myself to create negatively because I didn't do something about it in advance. And so this is where, you know, we just can't take it anymore. So we walk into the workplace with a weapon or something that we shouldn't make changes before then. You don't have to wait until you just can't take it anymore.

Jennifer Loehding (28:02)
Yeah, no, that's a good, that's a point. And I think we've all, mean, we're human, you know, we're very complex beings. We all have moments. I mean, I had something the other day and I walked out, I always have that, you know, like I get out and I'm like, I just hate when, like, I hate myself when I do something that I wouldn't normally do, right? It's like that awareness, you go, that is not what I, that's not how I behave, right? Like, that's not how I behaved. And so, yes, there's a lot of good points of that, you know, of preparing and not, and,

And I think we always have them. think they don't have to be as bad. think we get better the more we work on ourselves and evolve and stuff. But I think we're human and we always mess up and have something that we're going to walk away and go, I didn't like that I do that. Because I mean, I still do. I still walk out sometimes and go, I don't like how I handled that. And then I'll feel bad. And then sometimes I have to apologize. I'll be like, I'm sorry. That is not, that was not appropriate behavior. That is not how I behave, you know.

That's not something 10 or 15 years ago I would have been able to do, but I have, I feel better. You know, I'm much more confident and more secure in myself that I don't feel bad. I can admit when I have a problem with something.

Steve Gallegos (29:03)
It's a beautiful thing that you said that because we don't arrive in this world and we're not handed an operator's manual. Like when you buy an Xbox or whatever the game console 5 or whatever version they're at, it comes with a manual, right? You get your phone and it comes with a manual in different languages and you this is a troubleshooting guide, right? What to do if a person a pisses you off or what to do if your food doesn't taste good or what to do if you stub your toe in the morning.

We don't get that and so we go through life, again, going through these experiences and we react in many, most cases like our parents reacted to whatever situation they were in, they faced, that's how we react. Someone makes us angry, we punch them out. That's what I saw my parents do. And so we need to give ourselves that opportunity to, as you say, grow and experience because that's how we, it's called evolution, right?

And much of this stuff you talked about emotional intelligence earlier that we're not taught this in school, personal development, that I'm so invested in that process now and I have been for the last decade and a half or so because even as a lawyer, right, I was making money, I had prestige, I had the office, I had the title, I had the car, the house.

everything but I was miserable. was a miserable human being because I was a lawyer, right? was in other words, I was I thought I needed to be a jerk like the rest of the guys that I worked with and in that culture, right? And so it's no wonder that police officers, well-meaning people join the police force and all of a sudden they end up beating someone half to death because their anger gets to them. It's like when we go to a football game, right? Dallas Cowboys, right? What happens when you go to the stadium?

You're a nice person, Jennifer. You're very loving, compassionate, but you get, they're facing the Philadelphia Eagles and we're losing. Well, hey, you're up and you're yelling at the ref and you're yelling at their quarterback and you're saying, you become this person. Why? Because it's what you're surrounded by, right? What the culture is. so recognizing that we don't

come into this earth with a operation manual, operator's manual. That means that everything that happens to us and how we be responded to these things, it's, we have to learn. And sometimes I've never been in experience before and so I'm going to say something, I don't know what's going to happen and then the other person reacts negatively and as you say, you walk out and go, I could have handled that differently, right? I should have said this or I shouldn't have said that. And this is how we learn. So the next time you're in that experience,

that was the purpose of you going through this. That was the person of you having been in the fire. So now the next time you approach the fire, you can say, I'm going to approach this a little bit differently, or I'm not going to approach it at all. But more importantly, your story, your experience can serve the next generation that will go through it because we all go through the same stuff, different places, different faces, but it's all the same thing.

Jennifer Loehding (32:09)
same. Yeah. I had a mentor that always said he would say that which is most personal is something like that which we think is most personal is universal because it's like our stories the little nuances are different but the it's like the main idea right the main idea of the story is very similar right because it's kind like when I was creating my quiz for those blocks like you can you the blocks are pretty much the same the way we experience them may be very different right like I like I was telling the story when I was building out my program I realized that perfectionism I knew

that that was an issue, I didn't realize how big of it was an issue until I got right in the middle of that and I realized, my goodness, this is why I don't start things. This is why I start things and don't finish because I get hung up on things needing to be perfect. And I, what ultimately ended up happening, I told this on the other episode that I was with this girl was that I had a speaking gig come up. I had to talk about the platform that I had built.

In order to talk about the platform, had to be built because I can't speak on something which I have not walked through. It's an integrity issue. So I had to have it done. It was the best thing ever because it gave me a deadline to get it done. You know? So I think what you're saying, yes, I think that there are stories are that the nuances are different in these things, but at the end of the day, the messaging is really the same. And so I appreciate that. It's good stuff. And I agree with you.

Steve Gallegos (33:29)
on all of it. And I love what you just pointed out because you've shown us by conducting this interview and the way you conducted it and the stories that you shared, there's different elements to you, right? There's your health and wellness, there's your experience as a mom, there's your experience as a wife, there's your experience as a presenter, you know, how you put yourself out in the marketplace. And so you're wearing all of these different hats and you can't show up the same.

to each one. In other words, you can't be with your husband and children the way you are with an audience of 10,000 that you speak to in the marketplace, right? We spend most of our lives trying to become this perfect person, this perfect being. And you've pointed out that number one, we don't have to. And I'm going to echo that because there is no perfect being. Even Jesus wasn't perfect, right?

I mean, they stoned him for heaven sakes. Why would you do that to a perfect person? Because we each see and experience things differently and we have different takes on it. That's why we have so much political divisiveness today. We have societal divisiveness. We have anti-gay, anti-this, anti-LGB, anti-black, anti-white. We have all this stuff because each of us are experiencing the world differently.

But when we get down to brass tacks and we realize that beneath all this, beneath all this beauty and, you know, gorgeousness that, you know, we're displaying right now to the camera, we're just all bones, right? Yeah. You look at our skeletons, you can't tell us apart. Right. Right. The only way you can tell us apart is by how we appear, how we show up to the world and through our thoughts, through our deeds, through our actions.

And that's how we know, I want to spend time with Jennifer and not Steve because Steve is like, he's got these weird thoughts, right? That you could actually change the world by becoming the director of your life. But it's true, you can. So I say give yourself some grace because you're bound to make mistakes, but it's those mistakes that make you who you are. Those mistakes create the experiences that you can then draw from.

to move into the next chapter, into the next day, into the next moment. Now if you keep repeating the same mistakes, shame on you, that's on you, right? You keep coming up with the same results. But if you make a mistake and you say, next time I get to do things different. And then you do things different and now you can, whoa, now I'm growing, I'm evolving, I'm becoming in my eyes a better human being. And that's really all that's important. It doesn't matter what I think of you, Jennifer.

because you get to be you, regardless of, know, once we're off this episode, you know, you don't have to deal with me or anybody else. You get to continue being you and I get to continue being me and that's the beautiful thing. I get to look in the mirror as you do and say at the end of the day, you know, I did good today and, you know, good job. Let's do it again tomorrow.

Jennifer Loehding (36:37)
Good Steve, I like it. like one. I'm excited. I'm gonna have to check your book out. I'm excited to to dive in there. Any any reason? Because I know you mentioned it's for women. Was there any particular reason why you? Because I know like if I tell you the story about starter girls, it's funny because it was about starting out. But as you see, I bring men on the show because I think that they have they add value to the show. I mean, I think a lot we have. There are some things that are different, but I think a lot of things are pretty universal, and so I bring them on because I believe they add value. So I'm just curious on your book, you know.

What was that? Was there something that drove you into that direction or? Anything you want to share?

Steve Gallegos (37:14)
There is and and thank you for their question.

Jennifer Loehding (37:16)
Finally,

that's why I'm like, I know there's something there.

Steve Gallegos (37:18)
There is something there. The reason that I wrote this one for women is because over in the various careers that I've worked in from the military to the entertainment industry, to law enforcement, to speaking and coaching, women experience the world different than men do. Women are, I mean look at it, in the last two, three years, the US Supreme Court has come down and made decisions that affect women.

right and men are the ones that are jumping in and saying well this is my opinion and this is what they should do and they shouldn't do. Hey it's about the women it's not about you meathead and so women have

Jennifer Loehding (38:01)
You had him a long time, I get out and you say-

Steve Gallegos (38:04)
Archie bunker

Jennifer Loehding (38:08)
I'm like, maybe I got gawd that like forever. My dad used to say that when I was a kid.

Steve Gallegos (38:13)
That was the safe word that just came to mind. And I just kind of expressed without saying it the reason that I wrote this for women. in my experience, face different challenges and face different issues than us men do. And so I wrote it specifically for women because the men's book will soon follow.

and I'll be speaking to the men in a different tone with different stories than I can use with the women. I can be little tougher and harsher with the men, whereas I would turn a woman off if I use these kind of military or law enforcement language with women. They'd say, who's this alpha male think he is and trying to tell me what I should do or how I should, and that's not what I'm trying to do in my book at all. I'm not sharing with anybody how you should be. In fact, I...

that devote a whole chapter on this word should and how evil that word is because that's one of the words that has kept us prisoner in the women's book shackled for all of these years. So you should smile more, you should be prettier, you should be nicer, you should be more feminine, you should be more rough and tumble like the boys. And so you grew up with all these confusing messages and men do too, right?

Don't cry, be a man, stand up and be a man about it and all these confusing messages. So yeah, the men's book is soon to follow. I'm going to wait for the women's book to be published in about 20 days or so. It's in the hands of the publisher right now for its final editing and proofreading. Once that comes out, then we produce the male version. And it's also going to be followed with a live experience because it's one thing to

I can give you a manual on how to ride a bicycle, but it's not until I take you out to the parking lot and put you on a bike and show you how to steer it and balance it that you're actually going to learn how to do it. And so we're having a three day live experience called Time to Yell Cut, Time to Yell Cut, where the women are going to come in and for three days are going to go with me and some other subject matter experts to actually learn how to write and produce and direct their lives so they can leave with an actual plan more than just

being inspired by the book. And then the same with the men. And eventually we'll probably have an event where both will come together. Because you're right, we can't live in this segregated world where my show is only for women or this show is only for men because, hey, we have to relate to one another. We get to relate to one another and that's the beauty. I mean, we can't live in a world without women. As a man,

We need women. Women are the ones that brought us into this world. How can we say now, you can't vote and you're a second class citizen and you can't have control over your own body and those kinds of things? I think it's just ridiculous where we're at with that. But that's another story.

Jennifer Loehding (41:24)
other

conversation right now. Well, and that's the thing, know, like, I've always in my show, I've always felt like because when we originally started this show, it was myself and another ex Mary Kay sales director and we had started it originally for women, it was all about starting a movement or a brand or a business that's his starter girls.

But I, you know, my entire existence, I'm in my early 50s. So my entire existence, feel like, and I'm talking from grade school all the way up. I've always been about including. I want to be friends with everybody. Like I just that's I've never been able to be the type of person that is into one group. And I isolate myself. I have friends in all different areas. And that's one of the things I was just, I brought this up the other day about this show. I have people in all.

places on this show. I'm races, parts of the world, political affiliation. I don't care to me if they are a decent human being and I like them and I like what they're about. That's why I do the pre-interviews on these shows all the time because I want to get a feel for who the individual is and then I'm going to make, I don't want to make the decision based on their accolades or base. Yes, I do look at that obviously because we're talking about personal development and growth and all those things, but that's not.

Always the deciding factor because I've had people that have come in my space that have impressive accolades as soon as I get on a call with them. I'm like note. I just the air whatever the air whatever there I'm gonna say arrogance, whatever it is, it's there and I'm just not about that because whomever I bring on here, I really represents. Who I am as an individual, I don't have to agree with everything they say or everything they do. That's OK, but if they're a decent human being, that's what I'm interested in because.

We have to get, we do, we have to get along in this world. And in order to do that, we have to be open to other people, right? We have to be aware of who we are, be aware that we're in control of the things we say and we do, right? And that, and just don't, I say, don't be a jerk.

be nice people unless they give you a reason. If they give you a reason, then that's a different story. But you know, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I like to assume that most people that come in my space are decent human beings and I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt to show me that they are, you know? So I'm with you on all of this. I'm excited about your book and I'm excited about your next one. I think it's great.

Steve Gallegos (43:48)
Thank you so much. I made it to Jennifer's Decent Human Being list. Yay!

Jennifer Loehding (43:54)
I hate to say that word.

Steve Gallegos (43:56)
No, no, you're absolutely

right. You're absolutely right. We get to choose who we associate with and sadly, you know, when you present someone on your show, it's reflective of not necessarily your ideas and thoughts and attitudes, but if you share that with the world, that means that you're essentially approving it, right? Endorsing it, right? Yeah. I like this enough to share it with you, right?

Jennifer Loehding (44:03)
Yeah.

Steve Gallegos (44:24)
unless it comes with a very heavy disclaimer in advance. I don't like at all what this person has to say, what they think. I don't even like how they breathe, but I need you to see contrast. And this is what life is all about when it comes down to it, Jennifer. It's contrast. This is why we experience what are called bad things, because it's contrast. If I did a TED talk on this not too long ago in Dallas at Arlington,

If all you get to experience in life is blue skies and doves flying overhead and sunny and warm breezes and never any conflict or any problems, it gets boring. This is why we go on vacation and we only stay a week or two and then we come back to real life. Why? Because as humans we're built to solve problems.

We're built to solve problems for each other. You're solving a problem, Jennifer, through your beautiful show. You're giving information, valuable information, and bringing experiences that you don't have to your audience through the eyes and the words of your guests. You're solving problems that you don't even know that your audience has because they're not calling you up and saying, Jennifer, I've got this problem. Can you bring a guest to help me solve it?

Guaranteed somebody's gonna listen to the show today tomorrow or 15 years from now 20 years from now 50 years from now go. that's what they were talking about right So we're here to solve problems and once we realize that then the next Level of awareness in my opinion and experience is that we're here to be of service to one another if everybody has problems We all have problems. I have them you have them

everybody listening has them, then it's up to us and you and I are doing it now. We're serving. We're being of service by giving wisdom, advice, suggestions, tactics. Sometimes we give money, we give money. I know you do, we give time, right? And that's being of service. And some people get confused. They say, no, I'm a doctor, I'm a lawyer, I'm an engineer, I'm an IT person, I'm a game console creator. No, you're not. It's what you do.

But it's not who you are. Who you are at the very root is a loving, compassionate, understanding human being. That's why you were brought into this earth. And then we become this career, we become this person, so I'm a jerk because I'm a lawyer and I'm the best lawyer. And so in order to be that, I got to be a jerk. No, you don't. You don't need to. You can still love and be understanding and passionate. But we realize that

Our careers are nothing more than the way that you and I have chosen to serve the world. Right? Customers, clients, our community, our constituents, however you want to view it, whoever your audience is, we're there to serve them as a realtor, as a chef, as a line cook, as a hamburger flipper at McDonald's, as the maintenance guy at the Costco warehouse. It doesn't matter what you do or where you are.

What you're doing is in service of someone else. And when you realize that, you realize that we're all in service of each other. We simply get to choose how we're going to serve one another.

Jennifer Loehding (47:56)
Good stuff, Steve. my gosh, good stuff. Well, definitely we need to get, you need to get this book out so people can read it and get the subsequent out because I think there's so much, I'm like, I'm listening, I'm like, how do we, like, because normally, you know, when I title these, I put who the person is and what they do. And it's so funny because when I first started this show, I used to make these unique thumbnails and I would have like an overall arching title of the show, right? Like, and so I'm thinking, my gosh, this show, it's like the title of this show, like what I could name this right now, right?

We've talked about being a decent human being, emotional intelligence. We've talked about, it's really been centered at the root of what you opened up with, right? Of directing our lives. That's really what it is. We have the capacity and all these little sub conversations we had are really the output of how we direct our lives, right? The decent, when I brought up the decent human being, that's really how we're direct, we're deciding. I mean, we may be not knowing what we're doing. There are a lot of people, like you mentioned in the very beginning,

that are on autopilot, I don't think they even know half the time, you know? And for those of us who are aware, it's like, once you get on that side, it's hard to look back the other direction, right? It's like when you're over here, you're now aware of things that over here, you probably never even knew. And I think a lot of people are like that, right? And so that's why I feel like we do what we do is because hopefully...

You know, somebody like you said, somebody listening to this, might spark an idea or maybe, you know, a different conversation. Maybe somebody goes home today and they're a little kinder to their wife or to their children or to their coworker, or they're a little more open-minded to a conversation that they really don't agree with, right? Like that's really what all this is about at the end of the day is we get to choose how we live our lives, how we conduct our business, how we work with people, every piece of that.

So I think that's like the big message. It's almost like we need to have like conductor of your life or something as the big core thing, right? Right? It's like the whole message here. I love it.

Steve Gallegos (49:47)
Exactly. think you should caption it, help me name this show.

Jennifer Loehding (49:52)
Yeah, exactly. It's so good. It's so good. Well, I always, you know, I used to when I would do that, I would go and I'd be like, there'd be like that once thing I, you know, that one statement. I like, know what this one is. It would just be the words. Cause I know what this whole message is on this one. So it's been good. I love it. Never know where these episodes are going to go. So I have a couple of just like fun questions, like two fun ones I want to ask you. I'd love to know like,

What's the one morning thing you do like every day? Like I do green tea, that's my thing every day. Green tea with my breakfast every single morning. like what, it doesn't have to be food, it could be anything. What's what's the one thing every day?

Steve Gallegos (50:25)
I drink out of this cup here. We love bears. wife and I love bears.

Jennifer Loehding (50:29)
I see the bears. it say we love bears or what does it say?

Steve Gallegos (50:33)
No, says Georgetown, Colorado.

Jennifer Loehding (50:37)
So was

trying to read it's the writing. saw the bear.

Steve Gallegos (50:39)
Yeah. So it's a little mountain town here, one of the most beautiful mountain towns. They get this train that goes through it and everything in the country. But we love bears. And so every morning I drink my cocktail. I want to say cocktail because it's not coffee. It is a mixture of organic cocoa, ashwagandha, cinnamon, cloves, and what else do I put in it? I might put in it some

Jennifer Loehding (51:01)
I know what

Steve Gallegos (51:09)
what's that?

I forget, but it's for energy. So it's all powders and I mix it together and then hot water, maybe some almond milk, but this is my go-to drink in the morning. It's energizing, it's clean, it's healthy. I get to mix it myself in this big tub and so that's my go-to.

Jennifer Loehding (51:33)
Morning, you know what all that I know about all that stuff. I know what I want is and the energy I'm like going through my head right like what does he talk? is it that he's talking about? Is it this this?

Steve Gallegos (51:43)
It's from Peru. Maka powder.

Jennifer Loehding (51:49)
It isn't her.

I said you're a mom.

Steve Gallegos (51:56)
Yeah, yerba mate, no. Yeah, macropares.

Jennifer Loehding (51:59)
come out. Yeah,

very cool. Very cool. All right. And then my last question I want to ask you that like, and I'm sure you've had a lot of this because if you asked me this question, I'd have a hard time, but I'd like to know like one best piece of advice that you've been told and you've lived by.

Steve Gallegos (52:15)
that I've been told?

Jennifer Loehding (52:18)
Something that you feel like just kind of stuck with you.

Steve Gallegos (52:20)
Yeah.

you are enough. But I didn't hear that until much, much later in life.

Jennifer Loehding (52:32)
Yeah, it's good.

Steve Gallegos (52:34)
once I heard it and started believing it, that's when my life changed. It's that you are enough. And so that's what I want to leave your audience with. The idea is that you are enough. You are worthy. You are deserving of all of the good things that life has to offer. And I know that we each get dealt a different hand, right? My experience is going to be different than Jennifer's and Jennifer's is going to be different than yours. But we all have an experience. But it's through these struggles

that we grow and bloom, I use the analogy in my talks, Jennifer, of imagine going, for example, to the Dallas Arboretum and all you saw was white roses everywhere. Everywhere you looked was a white rose. There was no other color flower, no other size. They were all the same size. They're all the same height. They were all the same bloom. They all the same shape. Right? Beautiful, yes, but how excited would you be to go back there every day? What, you know, would you learn anything new?

Every time you went there, nope, everything's the same all the time. The same, the same, same. We're like going to an arboretum when we go out into the world and face our friends and our coworkers and our social life and our communities and our churches and our schools. And it's like we see all these different shape of flowers, right? Some are tall, some are short, some are dark, some are withered, some are old, some are young, some are just blooming, right?

that's what we get to experience life. We can experience life that way with that same joy and awe that we experience when we go to a place like the Dallas Arboretum or the Denver Arboretum. And I'm sure that you have this beautiful garden wherever you live. If not, you should definitely find one. But that's the beauty in life is that there's differences and it's those differences that allow us to choose. I like this flavor and I don't like that flavor and that's okay.

Right for you not to like that flavor as long as you let other people like that flavor that may like it, right? Some people like Brussels sprouts. don't 100 yards keep them a 100 yards away from me at least because I can smell I can see them and I want nothing to do with a Brussels sprout. But give me a carrot and broccoli and asparagus all day long, right? That's just my flavor. It doesn't mean that I'm going to turn someone on turn on someone that because they do like Brussels sprouts. I'd have to question your sanity.

But that's another issue altogether.

Jennifer Loehding (55:04)
Yeah, it's funny because when I was a kid I hated Brussels sprouts and I actually kind of like them now, but I have to have them roasted. Like I can't just do them away like we see them world war II. I have to them roasted. My husband makes them with bacon and onion. They're actually really good. They're there. I actually like them, believe it or not. But as a kid, I would I'd be like you. I'm trying to hide them under the plate, my mom, as you're going to be gagged.

I don't know how I learned to like them. I don't know how that happened. So it does. Steve, you have been amazing. This has been such a great conversation. I've enjoyed it I hope people find value and inspiration in this. And I know somebody listening to this, somebody's going to want to follow you. Somebody's going to want to get the book or maybe they want to reach out to you. I don't know. Where do we want to send them so they can get you?

Steve Gallegos (55:49)
Thank you for that question Jennifer and also thank you for allowing me to serve and be a guest on your show. It's been super super fun. I've loved it and I hope we get to do it again. The first thing that I would recommend to your audience is to contact Jennifer and thank her for producing this show. Thank her for bringing guests like me and the other beautiful guests that she had on that you get to learn from and listen to every single day.

because it's not easy, right? She's got a family and other things that she's attending to. Producing the show, she does it because she loves it and she's doing it for you, right? Because it's doesn't, there's no value in keeping all this wonderful information, these secrets to yourself. And so that's why she produces the show. And so then you can ask her how to get ahold of Steve. And for those of you that can't get ahold of Jennifer because now she's too busy fielding phone calls and messages from people trying to...

Thank you Karen. to find out where Steve is, you can go to the internet on my website, StevieGsuccess, StevieGsuccess.com. And you can also find me on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube also with StevieGsuccess.

Jennifer Loehding (57:00)
Awesome. Thank you, Steve. You're fun. I love it. I love it. This has been great. And yes, and I hope that somebody hearing this will either reach out and grab your book or follow you. I mean, that's what this is all about. I feel like we all kind of talk about similar things, but we all have different spins. you know, sometimes some things I say, you know, may not resonate and you might say it and somebody else goes, that was the thing I needed to hear. We've been saying it all along, but somebody else says it just a little bit differently, right? That's what it's all about. So I love it.

Steve Gallegos (57:25)
Exactly.

Jennifer Loehding (57:27)
To our audience, we appreciate you. Thank you for tuning in and of course, yes reach out to Steve if you need to if you found this episode inspiring and informative, which we hope that you did. Please do all the things hit the subscribe, like, share, do all that, comment, whatever, so we can keep continuing to share all this amazing content and get all these fabulous guests on here. And as I always say, it's how I end the episode every time, in order to the extraordinary must start and every start begins with a decision.

You guys take care, be safe, be kind to one another, and we will see you next time.

Steve Gallegos (58:03)
you


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