Starter Girlz Podcast

How Mind Shifting Helps Us See More, React Less & Grow Deeper - Mitchell Weisburgh, Educator, Author & Speaker

• Jennifer Loehding • Season 7 • Episode 109

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Discover how the Mind Shifting Method, created by Mitchell Weisburgh, can transform the way you think, connect, and navigate everyday challenges. In this inspiring conversation, we explore how a simple shift in awareness helps us see more clearly, react less emotionally, and grow more intentionally.

If you want to better understand your emotions, improve how you connect with others, or see how the Mind Shifting Method — a neuroscience-based framework — supports personal and professional growth, this episode offers insight into why it matters and the impact it can have.

💡What This Episode Is About
Mind Shifting is a powerful, neuroscience-inspired approach that helps us step out of automatic reactions and step into more profound clarity, curiosity, and connection. Mitchell shares how small mindset shifts can reduce emotional reactivity, increase empathy, and help us show up with greater resilience in any situation.

Whether you're navigating conflict, improving emotional intelligence, or exploring personal growth strategies, this episode is packed with insights.

💡What You’ll Learn in This Episode
✔ What Mind Shifting is and why it changes how we see the world
✔ How to respond with clarity instead of reacting from stress
✔ Insights on emotional regulation and awareness
✔ How curiosity transforms conversations, relationships, and conflict
✔ Ways to build resilience in daily life, work, and community
✔ The science behind why our brains react and how to shift those patterns
✔ Simple techniques to improve communication and deepen connection
✔ How mindset awareness supports self-growth and long-term wellbeing

This episode blends neuroscience, emotional intelligence, and practical frameworks to help you create meaningful personal transformation one small shift at a time.

💬Connect With Mitchell Weisburgh
🌐 Website: https://www.mindshiftingwithmitch.com
📚 His Book: https://a.co/d/242NDWd

Courses, books & resources available on his official site.

💬Connect with Starter Girlz Podcast
🌐 Website: https://startergirlz.com
🙌 Partner: Walt Mills Productions

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Want to be a guest on Starter Girlz Podcast? Send Jennifer Loehding a message on PodMatch here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/17044863446695017c1879d7b

Jennifer Loehding:

Welcome to the Starter Girlz Podcast, your ultimate source of inspiration and empowerment. We're here to help women succeed in every area of their lives: career, money, relationships, and health and well-being. While celebrating the remarkable journeys of individuals from all walks of life who've achieved amazing things. Whether you're looking to supercharge your career, build financial independence, nurture meaningful relationships, or enhance your overall well-being, the Starter Girlz Podcast is here to guide you. Join us as we explore the journeys of those who dare to dream big and achieve greatness. I'm your host, Jennifer Loehding, and welcome to this episode. Welcome to another episode of the Starter Girlz Podcast. I am your host, Jennifer Loehding, and wherever you are tuning in today, we are so glad to have you. Well, here we are, another episode of Starter Girlz Podcast, another awesome guest coming on today. So excited about this conversation. I'm going to open up with this. In a world that rewards speed and constant output, what if the real power comes from learning how your brain works? My guest today believes that by understanding and shifting the patterns that hold us back, anyone can develop resilience, clarity, and stronger connections, whether at work, in business, or in life. And so we're going to be chatting with him in just a few minutes. He's got some interesting work. I'm so excited to dive into this today. But before I bring him on, I do need to do a quick shout out to our sponsor. This episode is brought to you by Walt Mills Productions. Need to add excitement to your YouTube videos or some expert hands for editing? Look no further. Walt Mills is the solution you've been searching for. Walt is not only your go-to guy for spicing up content, he's the force behind a thriving film production company with numerous titles in the pipeline. Always on the lookout for raw talent. Walt is eager to collaborate on film and internet productions. With a background deeply rooted in entertainment and promotion, Walt Mills leverages years of skills to give you the spotlight you deserve. Want to learn more about Walt and his work? Head on over to Waltmills Productions.net and let your content shine. All right. And with that, I do want to make a mention to head on over to startergirlz.com. I say this every single week. And the reason being is because three things. One, if you've missed any episodes, any of our episodes, it's a great place to catch up on those. You can also sign up for our community newsletter, stay in the know of what we have going out, what's coming up. And then, of course, if you're an aspiring entrepreneur, creator, maybe you're in the thick of it and you want to find out what your number one success block is that may be impacting your success. Well, guess what? I've got you covered. I've got a two-minute quiz over there that I've developed that you can take and um it's fun. It'll tell you what may be impacting your business right now. So head on over to startergirlz.com. And as I always say, do whatever you need to do. All right. And with that, we're going to bring our guest on to the show. So here we go. Mitchell Weisburgh is the creator of the mind shifting method, a neuroscience-based framework that teaches leaders, teams, and individuals how to rewire their brains for resourcefulness, resilience, and collaboration. Drawing on decades of experience in education, leadership, and human performance, Mitchell provides actionable tools that help people think clearly under pressure, overcome limiting patterns, and achieve lasting growth in every area of life. And so, Mitchell, welcome to Starter Girlz. I am so excited to chat with you today.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

Well, Jennifer, thank you for having me on. And I've listened to a couple episodes just to keep them up to date. And um I'm kind of honored because I was listening to uh Ari Medrano.

Jennifer Loehding:

Oh, yes.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

And you know, she was such an inspiration. That was such a great episode. And then I was listening to Brian Gil. Um, and it and that there were so many parallels between how he looks at um how we can rewire our brains and and and what I've done.

Jennifer Loehding:

So yeah, that's so awesome. That was oh yes, and you got to see the difference in the episodes too, because one we went in studio and it's such a beautiful thing, this podcasting. You know, I was just telling somebody before you jumped on in the in the previous episode that when I started Starter Girls, you know, we were in studio, we had the fancy equipment, did all the cool things, and then of course COVID hit, went back home, and then I learned, hey, you know what? Great thing about this online platform now is you can talk to people all over the world. So it's a beautiful thing, right? Well, then I, you know, I'm now I'm I'm hosting or I'm I'm partnershipped in some other creative, you know, things, including a networking event. And one of the places that I do that, they can do podcasting. And so now the beautiful thing is I get the best of both worlds. I get to still talk to everybody all over the world. But then my local people, we can go in. And so, yes, Ari, phenomenal um friend and guest. And just I had such a great time chatting with her. She's such a powerhouse. And then Brian Zhao, oh my gosh, he he's great too. Like eight-time world record skydiver, you know. I have no desire to skydive. So it was just fun getting to talk to him and like just be like, how do you do that? You know, how in that space.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

So anyway, yeah, maybe you wonder how somebody ever got the idea. Do you know something? I'm gonna, I'm a little bored today. Maybe I'll jump out of a plane.

Jennifer Loehding:

Yeah, yeah. That's one thing I uh I have no desire to do any. I've got a I love I'm I'm very uh I'm a brave soul. We'll do a lot of things, you know, in business and that kind of stuff. But those heights things, like, nope, none of that. Don't want to do it, no bungee jumping, no jumping out of planes, none of that. Don't care. So, anyways, Mitchell, I'm so excited to chat with you and um just talk about your work and what you're doing. And you have such an impressive, you know, full disclosure. I went back today before you jumped on and went back and looked at your stuff to see your, you know, your background. And um, you've done a lot of impressive things yourself. And so I I'm glad that you're able to come on here and talk about your journey and and um what you've learned and all of that good stuff.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

Yeah, thanks. I mean, my my mission, and it's kind of plastered all over my website and my books and stuff, is that, you know, I think that if we can get a critical mass of people on this planet who really understand how their brains work and how to get into resourceful modes, how to be able to come back when things don't work, how to be able to work with people even when they disagree, that if you have those core skills and a critical mass of people, we could change the whole world. Everybody would be leading better better lives and everybody'd be happy. And so that's really my mission, and kind of arbitrarily chose five million as kind of what the critical mass is. So somehow or other, we've got to get five million people on this planet that have those skills, and then that will then uh I guess ripple across the world so that everybody will will will sort of you know live living better lives.

Jennifer Loehding:

Yeah, you just gave me chills. Okay, so just real quick. So the guy before this, he is in marketing. And oh my gosh, we had such a powerful conversation too. We learned we had like like different stories, but some you know, parallels. That is the beautiful thing about this podcast is that everybody that comes on here, I feel like sort of kind of shares that same message. But he had this deck of cards that he created. And he's like, he was telling about how when he was a kid he wanted to be a magician. And so he pulls these cards out and he's like, tell me when to stop. He stops and he pulls it out and he turns it around and it says, What are you fighting for? That was the question. He said, So what are you fighting for? And I paused for a minute and I said, something like to give people hope that they can change, like they can change the course of their lives, that they can do whatever they want. They just have to make a different different decision. And so then we went into this whole thing. And then I said, and maybe for selfish reasons, because I believe that when you know people are thriving and happy, then my world is better.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

Yep, yep. Is it well I think, and and I think that, you know, it for neurologists kind of understand that, that when you are, I mean, actually, I'm thinking in two different directions. So on one, when you're around people who are enjoying themselves, your mirror neur neurons are also triggering, oh, having fun, having fun, having fun, and you're enjoying yourself also. And also, when you actually when you help somebody, then the uh the joyful hormones in your brain kind of they go they go off, and you get this jolt um of you know serotonin and dopamine and oxytocin and the endorphins, and it's like, oh my gosh, that was fun. And so it's it's this twofold effect. One, being around other people who are doing good stuff and and living great lives, and that you know, that that gets your mirror neurons doing that. And and two, when you start doing it, that that further reinforces it because you know you're releasing those happy hormones yourself.

Jennifer Loehding:

Yeah, so it's a win-win. So the point here is that there's science behind this, why you need to be selective and you need to be healthy. So we're doing good work because we're really trying to make people happier. And it's a science behind this. I love it. I I've never even, I think I've known this, but never really thought of it in terms of that. You know what I mean? And so it's it makes perfect sense. And that's why, you know, if you think about even the psychology of like people will hang around people that like like think about like we hang around like-kind people because if we're in that space, we're gonna feel comfortable, right? We're gonna be happy in that space because we're comfortable in that space. And when we get out of that, we have to grow a little bit, and then we have that discomfort again. I I think this is so important. And I love that you did even you brought that up. And I don't even know where like I want to go with it because it's so good. Like, I never thought of it in terms of that. I just thought of, hey, he asked me that question, and I thought about like, why am I doing that? But to your point, I where I was going with that is that the work that we're doing is that we recognize that when when people are thriving, they're happy. And the world is a better place because they're more, they're they're more agreeable and and they're more they're they respond in a healthy way, they have more emotional intelligence. It's just, and they have more empathy for people that they don't necessarily agree with, or they have differing views and all of these. And so what you're talking about is so important in just so many, it's really important in all the facets of our life, whether going back into education, careers, family, friends, right? It's all across.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

Yep, yep. Well, so I'm just gonna like focus in on those mirror mirror neurons part of it for a minute for a moment. Uh the mirror neurons, uh they're evident in all mammals, but you know, even more so in people. And what they pick up on more than anything else is the emotional uh status of the people that we're around. So by default, our mirror neurons, when we're around happy people, that makes us happy. By default, when we're around people who are upset or people who are angry at us, we get angry also. And so those get triggered. Like um, well, I I think again I'm going in two different directions, but in one direction, it's uh with with these mirror neurons. We actually can we actually have a choice of how whether we're going to use our default or whether we're going to influence the way our mirror neurons are perceiving. And so the uh we're if we're around people who were angry at us, our mirror neurons are going to influence influence us to be angry back.

Jennifer Loehding:

Yeah.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

And so if you think about it, you're trying to influence another person, maybe maybe you're trying to sell somebody, or maybe you're trying to manage somebody, or maybe it's a maybe it's a child that you have or a spouse that you're try you you're saying, you know, I'd I'd like you to do this. And they're re what their mirror neurons pick up on, if we're not very careful, their mirror neurons put up pick up on that we are attacking them. Because whatever they're doing, we're trying to get them to do something different. And by default, they're going to be picking up, oh my gosh, this person is attacking me. And then that gets us into our survival instincts, which are to attack back, right? Yeah. Or to f or to to flee, or you know, or to a you know, hi to run away, but they it gets into these survival instincts, and then that escalates because we pick up that they're attacking us, and then we attack back. What we have as people, and and Brian Joss kind of got into this also, but we have the ability to recognize what we're feeling and thinking. This self-awareness, or you might call it, you know, metacognition. Uh but this self-awareness to say, oh my gosh, I'm feeling upset right now. And to be able to say, you know, I don't have to feel upset. I could feel curious right now. Right. So this person, you know, I I I tried to help them. They felt that it was an attack. Now I'm feeling the same thing. You know something? I don't have to feel this way. I can change my whole demeanor. What if I tried to be empathetic with them? What if I just tried to understand what they're feeling right now? And so that changes the whole course of the conversation. And it changes things that would have been fights, um, would have been conflicts into the opportunity for, say, collaboration and and moving forward on goals.

Jennifer Loehding:

Yeah. You mentioned something in there too, which I feel like is a universal thing, those of us that are, I feel like taught and I want to say something. I love that you're bringing the neuroscience into this, right? Because a lot of us talk about this. But I think, you know, when you get back to like, let's talk about even just like left brain, right brain, right? Like that's the beautiful thing about this podcast is that we get people on here and a lot, there's a lot of resonating patterns you'll hear in the different episodes, right? But we all kind of express it in a different way. And I think that's what's so beautiful about this is that you're kind of bringing this neuroscience. And so for those people who are really into the science aspect or really that logical thinking, this is to me, I love it because I've never quite thought of it that way. Like I hear what you're saying, I totally get it. I talk about this in my work, right? Like reframing the brain, you know, and you mentioned curiosity, which is so important because yes, we have the choice in that moment to go, I'm gonna react or I'm gonna pause and be curious and start asking questions or start saying, why is this person reacting this way? And how can I show up differently, right? And that's where I think that power of that pause comes in, which is one of the things I love to talk about because I've had to, as a quick thinker, mover, you know, like everything I do is very fast. I've had to learn to just sometimes, Mitchell, just pause, just take a minute, and and I'm not uncomfortable saying, you know what? I don't, I'm afraid what I'm gonna say next or what I'm gonna do, I'm just gonna pause. I'm gonna just not do anything right now. I'm just gonna, you know, allow myself some time to reflect and go, okay, where is this person coming from? What's happening right now? How do I want to show up? You know? So I love that you're bringing it from that perspective because I think it it's a logical perspective for people who are very in the logical space. And that's what I always like to tell people here is I am a practical optimist, meaning I bring the logic, but I'm also an optimist. And I like, and I can't, you know, we're gonna think big picture. We're not thinking down here. So I love, I love it. And so this mind, you know, mind shifting. I want to know, I guess, a little bit about how this worked because background education. I looked at your, you know, like your career is amazing. Tell us a little bit about how this came about for you.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

Well, so I have a background from work in instructional design and in systems design. I was uh working very closely with education publishers and education technology providers to increase the use of technology in schools so that schools could better prepare kids to live great lives. And I was doing that for 15 years. And at the end of 15 years, I'm like, you know, when I started this, schools weren't really preparing kids to be adults. And it's 15 years later, and yes, we're using more technology, but schools still aren't preparing kids to be great adults. You know, so so where's where's my influence? What am I really doing? And so um I guess I was given an opportunity, and I was supposed to talk about education technology to a bunch of undergraduates, and I just decided, you know something? That's not what they need to hear. What they need to hear is what makes successful people look at situations differently. How do they make sense of situations so that they come up with solutions? How do they continue with those solutions despite the fact that the first thing that they do doesn't necessarily work? And then how do they continue, how do they motivate people to work with them, even though people's natural inclinations are to resist change and to um and to and to strike back? And so I put I put together about two days worth of materials to teach these undergraduates that, you know, just because they think something doesn't make it true. Although you you can't say it directly like that. Right. Um just because somebody disagrees with you doesn't mean they're wrong. And just because you did something and it didn't work doesn't mean that you failed.

Jennifer Loehding:

Exactly.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

And so I I I read I guess books on on economics, which is you know, it's a type of decision-making, psychology, neuroscience, psych uh uh cognitive science, um, military strategy. So from all these different fields, and I just felt as I'm reading all these different fields that everybody every field has its own message, but nobody seems to be putting it together from all these different areas into something that really made sense. And so I try to take things from military strategy, from psychology, from economics, um, and and and pull them together into a way of thinking about how we make sense and how we act that kind of fit the way um the way the way we all think is as people. So I I I pulled that together, I teach the two-day class, and at the end of the two-day class, I'm like, and that's mind shifting. And the and 60 kids stood up and cheered.

Jennifer Loehding:

Yeah.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

It was like so this is something when people hear these techniques, they immediately recognize, oh my gosh, this is really why this hasn't worked. Or a lot of us, and I'm in, you know, if we're adults already, uh, you know, in our 30s, 40s, 50s, or whatever, we've done many of these things. We haven't realized why they've worked, and we have we can't necessarily go back to them and use them every time we're faced with a situation. But by naming them, by having a um you know, an easy way to refer back to them, all of a sudden it's like, oh my gosh, this is a case. This is this I'm I'm I'm sure I can't do this. I'm gonna try the perhaps I can technique and I'm gonna, you know, and I'm gonna learn how to do this. When I'm having this disagreement with a person, you know something? I'm gonna step back. Why don't I approach this from curiosity and start asking open-ended questions, just like motivational interviewing, to be able to uh connect with this person and then move forward before trying to like convince them and that's not working. So um so anyhow, so the kids uh stood up and cheered and it's like, you know something? This was really what I was meant to do. All this work on education technology, I w you know, that wasn't really moving the needle. This is something that can really move the needle. And so since like 2019, I've been move you know, I was started moving away from you know working with education publishers and schools um to mind shifting. And I first started with classes. So I do I changed it, I instead of a two-day course, I changed it to three different courses for each on a different element of mind shifting, and then um moved those classes online, so I'm you know, live online through like Zoom sessions. And then I was thinking, well, where could I have the most influence? Because like, well, what if I taught teachers? Those teachers are gonna reach the kids, and that's gonna get the next generation. So I so my classes are primarily from for teachers, uh but you know, business people, other people take the classes also. And then from those classes, it's like, well, you know, maybe I should write a book. So I wrote the first book, which is on the resourcefulness part, and I've written the second book, which is on uh working with other people, you know, conflict and collaboration. Uh so those two books are basically done. Well, the first book is out, the second book will be out in with within a month or so.

Jennifer Loehding:

Okay.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

And then the third thing is to put is to put them into online courses so that I don't necessarily have to be there in each course. And so um we're we're just finishing the first course, which will have AI mentors which will walk people through the different techniques.

Jennifer Loehding:

I love it. Okay, I have like so many things to say that's so good. You were giving me chills when you were talking about it because I am like, oh my gosh, like, first of all, I love that you have brought in all these different perspectives, like researched all these different things because I think, you know, the big you're you had this big question. And this is, I feel like, okay, first of all, say something about education. I have often said that I think my I have my sister, my daughter's a teacher, is a bilingual teacher here. My sister's also a teacher. I know they they work hard and I I recognize the the struggles, especially now, you know, with everything that's going on, the things they're having to deal with. But I I feel that I've always said this, even when we were kids, that we teach more to testing than we do anything. We teach, we don't teach kids like teach kids life skills. You know, they have, especially now with technology, they have phones and everything. They don't really have to communicate very much anymore. And so I have often felt in my own space that, you know, we don't teach them how to engage with other people or how to solve problems, you know, on in real, I mean, maybe in some capacity, you know, we do, but I feel like there's not enough emphasis in that area. So I love that you are bringing this into that space where if the teachers can understand this, then they can they can help their students be better and more effective as they move out, right? Move out. But there's so much to this. And I really love, like I said, that you brought in the different perspectives because I think, like you, my work is similar, a little different, but I feel like it's the same kind of thing. It's this understanding of people. It's trying, I mean, like me, it was it started with me understanding when I got this, I got a dis I got diagnosed with a nerve condition in 2012. And I had no idea at the time that that was gonna be that was my entryway into all this exploration. But what happened was is it started, it really was my own journey, understanding why this had happened to me, why I had to go through this. And then it became more how did I contribute to this? How did I have a role in this? Then it became more of what was I doing in my everyday, how was I showing up every day? And how was that affecting? And then it, so what I'm saying to you is that was an entry point, but it led to this bigger questioning. And what I found was that there were a lot of things going on in my world that were contributing, like patterns of behavior, belief systems, how I was showing up. When I told you about the pausing, reacting to everything, being overly reactive about everything, allowing everything to affect me emotionally. And so that's where, like when this is where your work, the stuff you're talking about, comes in, because what I started realizing is that we have we ourselves, we affect everything. We affect not only the people around us, but we affect our health, our everything that goes on in our world. We are we we can't control everything, but we have a large part. Like I was talking to a guy the other day that was talking about like our DNA is only genetics, is only a small part of really our health, that a lot of it we are controlling environmentally. We're controlling by what we're doing. So think about the work you're talking about and how we're showing up, how we're responding to people, how we're engaging. And so that's really like we all, I feel like we come into these. The big picture is what you're talking about, how we respond and collaborate and deal with people and emotion. But it all we our entry ways are different. You that's right. You see what I'm talking about. More entry ways. Mine was I had this health thing that was became was about me. Like first, like I'm a victim, and now it's about how am I contributing to this and why do I have it, you know, these repeat crash and burn cycles in my life. Like, what were why was I having these patterns of behavior? And and how is that going into a larger picture of now how am I treating myself, treating other people? How am I showing up? How am I responding? How's my emotional intelligence? How am I allowing, you know, belief systems to dictate, you know, how I'm, you know. So all of these things you're talking about, I love it. And you're bringing the science piece to it. I just think there's so many great things with this this impact.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

And I'm listening to your story, and that's that's incredible. It's like you took something that that the vast majority of people would just have regarded as a disaster, right? Yeah. And you you developed yourself, your own, your self-awareness and and uh and strength to be able to say, well, wait a minute. What are the gifts in this? What is this gonna make me think of about myself and my place in the world or the my place in the universe? And how am I going to then use this gift to help other people? And that's what you've done. That's like that just made my heart just go, uh, you know, like it's it is so cool.

Jennifer Loehding:

Yeah, I love the word. I that I, you know, I was just telling Steve and the guy I was talking to before you I said this is why I love the podcast because I feel like one, I get to have incredible conversations with you guys. I meet so many amazing people all over the world. I have learned, you know, I've interviewed probably a little over 500 people between my show, all the shows I've done. I have learned so many things from doing these podcasts. The power of the pausing, you know, learning to just sit back and not talk, you know, just pause for a moment, you know? And it's taught me so many great things. I love the conversations, but I think, you know, the big thing here I tell people is that really the whole thing with this show is how do we help people thrive? It's like your message. It's like, how are we helping people be better human beings and be able to communicate and to live lives they want and to thrive and to be in the right space? And you guys are all, you know, voices, the extensions of that big message. And so the beautiful thing is I think we get to like quadruple what we're doing here. You know, like you're talking about this, you know, how many people you're trying to impact, and really we're kind of doing sort of the same thing in just a little bit different ways, but we get to tap into, you know, all of these different markets. And so um, I yeah, I think it's I think it's a great thing, you know, what you're getting, what you're doing. And I'm and I'm I I feel honored that you're here talking about and that you found that space to do that. Because sometimes, you know, it just take we all have different entry ways. That's my point. We all have these different ways that, you know, and and and the curiosity I think is I will tell you in in that that word is it comes across in a lot of conversations with with this work that we're talking about. The reason I've been able to do what I do is because I'm curious. I'm always curious. I'm always curious if there is something going on, yeah, I'm always curious. I'm curious why people do what they do. Like there was a story here in Texas about a ray, a road rage. And immediately I go and I'm looking up who are the people that were involved in this. I want to know who are the people. And then I want to understand because the guy that was a shooter, you know, like I don't want to get into all of this because then that'll that'll draw like all the different people out for the crazies, which I don't want to do. But the guy that ended up doing the shooting was a guy, is a guy that lives in a decent community, in a nice house, probably has a decent. I mean, I looked at his his job, probably his decent job, all of that stuff. Probably never, you know, what happened here? And so then I then I'm trying to understand people, right? Like I get into wanting to understand. So my point to all of this is that I'm always curious about people, why they do things. And I'm always curious when things go when they're good, when they're bad, like how we can be better, how we can show up better, what we can learn from something. And even in my own journey, I'm saying all that to say that the reason that I've been able to do the work that I do is because I've always been curious. I've always been curious at improving and understanding when I get sick, I want to understand what I can do differently. How how can I show up and contribute to this in a positive way? So and that's what I think the lesson is for that we should be like, be curious, be curious.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

Curiosity is is uh is such a superpower. You can't you can't be angry while you're curious. You can't be anxious as you're curious. Because the the curiosity uh of course you can't be curious when you're angry either, or you can't be curious when you're anxious. So so uh the the the first power is to is to be able to be self aware is to say, oh my gosh, I'm I'm anxious about this, or I'm I'm angry at this person, or I'm just doing this out of habit, or I'm just doing this because I'm with this group and everybody else is doing it. But then the second thing is to get curious. It's like, well well, what could I do differently? Okay. Or why am why am I doing this? And um and I'm gonna actually I'm gonna stick a pen in that why question, but you know, but the why why am I doing this? Um and that that you know once we're start thinking that that the um the stress hormones that are kind of flooding our brains, they they they you know they washed out over like 30 seconds, 45 seconds a minute, um, and we're able to you know calm our brain and tap into our our our powers to be empathetic with people, to come up with new things, to critical think critically, to take in new information, to uh to focus on what's what's really important to us. The reason why I wanted to to point the the pin in why is that that why question, like why you know why am I doing this, why am I thinking this, is a really good question for us to ask ourselves. But interestingly it's a really bad question to ask other people. Yeah no I know because that why question when you're when you ask it of another person basically what you're asking them is to double down on whatever their reasons are. When we do it to ourselves why am I doing this we trigger our curiosity when we say to a person you know you know why why did you hit that person? Will I hit them because they hit me, you know of course I have to hit them. And so the questions that we should ask other people are more much more things like um what are you looking to accomplish? What's your end goal? Or given that's your end goal, what you did was you hit another person or you whatever it is that you did. Did that accomplish your goal? And in you know 99 times out of 100 if it didn't it's like oh so I wonder then what other things could you do that might accomplish your goal? And so it's it's those questions that open people up but the you know why am I doing this is a great question for us to ask ourselves.

Jennifer Loehding:

Yeah no thank you for saying that I know because I've done that to my husband it doesn't work. So no I really because I do that to myself I'll be like why did you do that Jennifer or why do you keep doing that or like why do you why do you like I was just telling this story I was like I put a post up on um over on Friday and I actually most of what I put in there I've talked about openly before but I there were two pieces in there that I added and I was trying trying to create depth in my story about how I feel like you know because I was diagnosed with like two real really weird rare you know disorders in my life I was in an abusive relationship and you know early in my you know my early part of my you know I've say early like in my early 20s and but I've been married now 29 years. So in a different relationship but I was kind of trying to set the stage that the work that I do is that I feel like I've been chosen to to give people you know to give this hope. Like I always knew that you know like I have always been a talker that for some reason upstairs somebody believed that I needed to use my voice to communicate you know but I was telling this what I was talking about is that when I created the post, I started to hesitate, you know, I put it out and then over the course of like a few hours I kept wanting to go in and like take it out you know take it out take it out and because I was feeling like vulnerable like I had to share like I didn't want to share it. Like it was a part of me I didn't want to share. Forgot where I was going to go with this when uh mental I forgot what I was going to tell you about this. But anyways there was a good story to this that I put it out there my story and I didn't want there was pieces of it I didn't want to divulge out there. Oh, I know what it was but then I said no just leave it just leave it alone because somebody needs to hear and the point that I it is the why it was the why that's where I was going with this I kept asking myself why do you keep doing this? Like why do you keep wanting to like erase it and it's because I was having to be vulnerable and I didn't want to be that vulnerable. I didn't want to put all that out there you know but then that was my head going telling me that but at the same time then I'm listening I'm talking to this guy on this podcast and he's like people connect to authenticity and vulnerability and he was telling about this story about this woman how she shared something about how when she was in China she grew up cooking and you know and that she'd been bullied and stuff and and that became her story and really taught led into what she's doing now. So my point to that is the why was that I would ask myself why are you doing this? Why do you and I had to go back and look at what I was thinking right it's that first step you're talking about just that self-awareness.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

I don't ask why of other the aspect of that that you brought up is that as human beings we also have this part of ourselves that tries to keep us from taking risks. Yeah and psychologists call that our part X. Okay so we have and but the way it does is it makes us miserable. So you put out this story and it starts making you know why do you always do that? You you put things out there that nobody wants to hear it. You're just embarrassing yourself right and then when you think about well maybe I should take it off that same part X is like well there you go again you can't stick to something you know you exactly have a good story and you just take it back. Okay? And then you say well you know something maybe I'll just take it off for a while and think about it and then it's gonna attack you again it's just gonna say well there you go again you can't make a decision you're always like that that's why you're never going to succeed and whatever it is that you think that you want to do next that your part X or our you know each of us have it our part X is there making us miserable. If we can again be self-aware and say you know something these voices that I'm that I'm hearing in my head or these uh admonitions about what I'm going to be doing that's not me that's not truth that's just my part X trying to keep me safe by making me miserable it I can use it as a little bit of a warning to say hey you know something I'm getting out here and trying something new but I can also say it's just my part X and I can overrule it. And that's really what you did. You put those out there. You had your part X. It was it was a battle for you to say no I'm gonna leave them out there. It becomes a lot easier when we can label that as say that's not the truth. That's not me saying this. That's just my part X. That's what it will always do and I don't have to listen to it.

Jennifer Loehding:

I like the part X. And yes you know how many times I did that on Friday Mitchell I went in there I'm like I'm taking it off. I even hit the edit button and was like I'm gonna I'm just gonna scratch out part of it and then I was like I finally said damn it stop it just stop it stop it put it down put it down well now it's over with because now we're on Monday it's done now. But I'm telling you I I I you we we all do it right and I love that you said your products because I'm gonna start using that now I mean I always do I mean I I will tell myself to pause and and I'm learning like I said that pause is so important. When I start to do that and if I keep doing that I'm like you know what I'm just gonna sleep on it. I'm just gonna sleep on it and if I and I totally forgot about it until you and I just talked about it. So I got up Saturday morning and completely forgot about it. But as we were talking I remembered that that's what I was doing on Friday. I was going through that whole warfare of do I put this out there you know and and then I'm like do I delete it do I put do I leave it do I delete it and then finally I'm just like you know what just sleep on it and um so I love that you said the part X because I'm gonna start using that.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

When I start hearing that that post be is is you get a lot that you get a lot of responses because that post came from your heart and it was and I'm I'm sure it was very powerful.

Jennifer Loehding:

Yeah I do better but it's funny it it always it makes so much sense though when you think about like you know social media and stuff because sometimes you'll look at things and go, somebody put that out there and they're just getting like a lot of traction and you look and you're like why right and it's a lot of times it's just because they put something raw and authentic and you're looking at yourself going I would never do that right like I'm not gonna do that. And and that's why sometimes it's the funniest thing when I do work like the times when I really think things through and put out a crafted message or something it doesn't go anywhere. And then when I'm just Jennifer and I throw something out there and then people like it because it's raw and authentic and I didn't overthink it and you know and so but I love the X thing and I'm gonna I'm gonna remember it that way now. And so um I will be like next time I'm doing that I'm be like hey that's part X telling me don't nope nope we're gonna be in different me just just my part X.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

Yep.

Jennifer Loehding:

I love it. I love it's kind of like I had a a gal on my show a while back and she was in marketing and she said something really funny and it just sticks with me. She said it's Christine Blasdale by the way if you want to go back and catch it but she um she said we go in something like we go in to sell and we offer people a stapler when they want a sandwich. They don't need a stapler they need a sandwich because they're hungry.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

Right, right.

Jennifer Loehding:

So I now I think about that when I do another piece of my marketing I'm like what are we offering? Are we trying to offer a sandwich when they need a stapler or a stapler when they need the sandwich you know let's get it right.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

So anyways I love this you also brought up you know like you're that you're in a very good relationship now. And so that can be also incredibly powerful because you know like my wife and I both speak the same vocabulary you know we understand these these terms and we can see it in each other. And once we have the terms it's like she can look at me and she can say you know is that your part X talking or I love it. Are you in Limbic? Because we both you know if you can build a community around you that has the same language and knows these same techniques, you can use it to prop each other up so it and then you get you know the power of the group and um it's just such an an amazing feeling first of all, you know, you doing it for with somebody else is to see you know your husband or or your child or or a friend who's stuck and and you have the same vocabulary vocabulary and say you know something I think I think you're in limbic right now. Maybe you should take your pause and can you get curious what can you what should you do what can you do to be curious? And you know you're doing that and so you get the jolt of of the the happy hormones and you see the effect that they have on you. But then you know we all we're people we don't see what we're doing all the time no matter you know no self-awareness is gonna is gonna be perfect. So we're doing something and to have another person be able to say you know something Mitch I think you're in limbic mode right now. Maybe you should you know maybe you should like take a couple deep breaths and see when you can get curious about it's like oh yeah I guess I could do that.

Jennifer Loehding:

Yeah I love it I could visualize in my house we'd be all running around going you're in limbic mode right you're but you know what listen it's so good because there's a term there's a term so now it's not like you're being crazy right now or you're being emotional right now right you it's a term and so now there it also sort of reduces some of the emotional like you know what I mean like I'm yeah there's a different it's kind of like you saying that why like you go to somebody and you reframe the question versus why are you doing that? That's kind of accusatory, right? Yep versus, you know, like how is this showing up for you right now? And if you looked at it, you know it's just a different approach, right? So I think having it as a term takes some of that emotion off of it too. And now everybody's like oh that's the term it's like you're in the red zone or whatever. You know what I mean? I like it. I think it's great because I think it reduces some of that that stress too and if everybody understands because I think self-awareness is like a muscle right like I always kind of think of it like CPR sort of you're not ever going to be a hundred percent always in tune to everything. Even I are but nobody else is right that's right right but my point to this is that you the more you do it the better even like when I don't always act the way like there will be times I don't always act appropriate and I will feel guilty afterwards. I will actually have like bad oh I hate it because I'll be like oh I did not that was not my you know like last week I had a I got upset because I one of my my people in my networking group was wanting to step down and I was frustrated wasn't I wasn't upset that she was stepping down. I was upset that we had a meeting the very next day we weren't prepared and I don't like walking in when I have people counting on me and we're not prepared. And so I felt bad because I you know like I I I wasn't making her feel I just was frustrated. So the next day I I I saw her and she left before I could talk to her. So she sent me a text message and I said listen I just want to apologize if I made you feel bad because that was not at all my intention. I was just frustrated because of what was going on and and we ended up having a dialogue the next day we had a conversation it's fine we worked it out we're friends it's all good. My other friend was like did y'all kiss and make up you know but I tell you it's a difference of that having that self-awareness that even if you do mess up you can you can reflect and go, okay, I didn't act in the best manner man manner but I'm mature enough and have the wisdom enough to say I can own that and be okay saying hey look I'm sorry I didn't show up in the best way possible that is not me you know you know I apologize.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

Right you you go and you go back to integrity and you don't beat yourself up.

Jennifer Loehding:

Exactly and I did it and we're over it now and it's all good. I felt bad that day I felt bad I was mad I was like I had three days of just being like I was like ah you know and then we got over we had a conversation about Wednesday it was over. But the point I love about all of this I think like you said is just that self-awareness and it's that curiosity and it's just really taking some ownership of how we're showing up and you know how we how we because everything we do I truly believe impacts somebody around us in some way. And then they impact other people and so whatever we do to that one person, how this conversation you and I are having today is making a difference in somebody else's lives right now.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

Yeah you know somebody somebody hears this and they're thinking well you know something I was about to have this argument with somebody or is about to self-doubt myself but you know something I realize that's my part X or I can take this pause and how do I get curious about this? And boy if if this conversation allowed like four or five people to be able to do that we've we've done some good.

Jennifer Loehding:

Yeah absolutely okay so I'm gonna ask you like this one thing that we're gonna tell people we've taught we've said all these great things right now so what's the what's the one thing we want to tell them to do if they find themselves in a moment of um maybe disagreement conflict we just want to tell them to what do we want to tell them to do?

Mitchell Weisburgh:

Pause what do we want to tell them to do well so if you know if if you're in a point of disagreement with with another person the first thing is to be aware that you yourself are contributing to this disagreement and that you can change. So if you're thinking that in this disagreement you know what you need to do is convince the other person that they're wrong, you're in your survival mode and you're not going to reach reach an agreement, you're not gonna move forward. So the first thing is this self-awareness you know something it's not just them that's wrong it's us that are in this dynamic then take the pause and then and then it's like well how could I be curious about the situation rather than judgmental about the situation. And so ask asking yourself well what what can I get curious about? How could I connect with this person? How could I find out what they really value? How could I find out what we both have in common here but something that allows you to connect with the other person, establish um and you know empathy and then and then move forward after that.

Jennifer Loehding:

I love it. I know we kind of said all that several different ways but I like that you just kind of put that in succinct format for somebody because you did say it a little bit differently that time how you know like taking the ownership of the you've said that overall message but just really I'm contributing to this. I am contributing to the situation because I think so often when we get into disagreements whatever and I think that's why we have so many people even in in the world now just immediately going into this shutdown because we immediately think in disagreement you're wrong I'm right right and you said that in the very beginning just because it's this doesn't mean it's right just because it doesn't you know in our your world and my world we're all right everybody's right whatever the survival the survival parts of our mind yeah it is very binary.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

Something it's either good or it's bad. You're either right or you're wrong.

Jennifer Loehding:

Yes and but it but real life isn't like that real life is exactly it's not black and white you're exactly right and that's where we've got to get away from is that binary there's a middle there is a middle area to everything. That's why I would say even in disagreements there's that story there's that story and there's the story in the middle that's probably the real story.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

On the other hand if my wife and I disagree obviously I'm the right one and she's wrong right you you will support me on that right I love it.

Jennifer Loehding:

I love it. It's all good. It's all good. No I think it's great. I I think what you're doing's amazing I love it. I really love that you're going into the education system because I I feel like if we could, you know, and that's one of the things even we started Starter Girl we were partnering up with some charitable foundations and I was really trying to get into the youth space because I know that that's such an impressionable age and and that's where the influence is created. It's hard adults have to want to change they have to want to change right children I feel like are still moldable.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

We have the the ability to come in and help them mold and grow before they get set in their ways right even as early as kindergarten we have you know kindergarten the teachers of the classes are reporting you know something this you know in my kindergarten class kid gets angry and then he looks at me says you know I I should do some box breathing right now.

Jennifer Loehding:

Oh I love it. Can you imagine if all the kids said that I need to do some it's just funny I was just telling somebody yesterday who was telling one of my friends she was talking about not being able to sleep from trauma and I'm like hey so what are you doing like before you go to bed and she's like well I'm watching TV and I'm like um okay well maybe you want to put some blue lights on or maybe try reading or maybe do some box breathing before you go to bed might help. Go splash some cold water in your face get your nervous system you know regulated a little bit. You know she's like I'm gonna try the reading thing you know she's like I don't know about the breathing I'm like if well what did you try on that? Because you maybe need to do it more than once you know try a little bit more of it. And so can you imagine if we all had these tools this is all the stuff you know like I'm actually nervous a nervous system trainer I'm certified in that too so I talk a lot about that kind of stuff too and believe in it. Again not it was something that I had to do for myself. I had to figure because I was dealing with when I was sick I was dealing with a lot of dysregulation and having a lot of anxiety and the you know it's it was a festering kind of like what you were talking about that confirmation bias. Yes I was having I wasn't getting better so I was having anxiety anxiety now I'm not getting so it was like this circle of you know adrenaline going crazy. And so I actually start uh started studying nervous system regulation. I had knew known some of it but I actually went in and got certified in in the process of that. So I'm all with you on that but I I think it'd be great if if all of us uh you know I know my sis my daughter and my sister have plenty of stories to talk about in the education system so I know they would welcome this in a heartbeat if all their kids would be like yes I did that behavior today maybe I should practice some box breathing next right right yep it would be great wouldn't it? I love it. I love it. Well Mitchell if our audience let's say somebody in here maybe somebody listening to this wants to pick up a book they want to learn about the course they want to follow it you know get in in the know of what your work is and all of this where do we want to send them it's really hard.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

So I I don't know if people will get this but mind shifting with Mitch.com. Mind shifting with Mitch.com I like it from there there's links to the the two books that are out now there's there's links to the courses um I I do a newsletter so you can sign up for the newsletter try I try to do tips um about mind shifting relating it to things that are going on in the world uh so they they can do that uh they can get in contact with me with me or if they're in contact with me also um there's either myself or a bunch of other people who could talk to organizations um about you know being more resourceful being more resilient and or being more collaborative.

Jennifer Loehding:

Perfect we'll make sure too when we get the um show notes put together we always put the links in there so they'll know how to find you and stuff and all that good stuff. It's been so much fun. I appreciate your you know the conversation and the wisdom and the knowledge and want to you know just congratulate you and wish you much success. Continue doing your thing and inspiring our younger generation and whomever's willing to listen right like whoever whoever's willing to take open the door to you and um allow you to come in.

Mitchell Weisburgh:

Yeah I try to do my part and obviously you do your part and we're we're we're we're both trying to make the world a better place.

Jennifer Loehding:

That's right one person at a time right one one open ear at a time that's what I say. So it's been great. All right and of course to our audience we love you appreciate you hope you found this episode both inspiring and informative and of course if you did you know what to do all the things like share comment put it out there so that we can keep sharing all of this fabulous content with you. And as I always say in order to live the extraordinary you must start and every start begins with a decision. You guys take care be safe be kind to one another and we will see you next time

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Jennifer Loehding

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